


beautiful exploration

by keeplovinanyway



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Phan Kink Meme, Teen!Phil, figuring out sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 02:46:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11348274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keeplovinanyway/pseuds/keeplovinanyway
Summary: Phil figures out that masturbating is nice and, also, that doing it while thinking about boys is nice.





	beautiful exploration

**Author's Note:**

> this is a fill for the anonymous [Phan Kink Meme](http://phan-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/), but I wanted to post it here too because I am quite proud of it (also check the kink meme out, there's some good smut)
> 
> this is the prompt: Dan or Phil as a teenager masturbating by themselves. I don't really care which one but more realistic than porn star stuff, maybe humping the bed or a pillow, or getting an erection during school and wanking in the toilet stall.

At first, it was something he heard the other boys talk about in school, hushed voice and brash laughter, making him feel thoroughly uncomfortable. They used words he didn’t quite understand if it weren’t for the context, and made it seem like a dirty, dirty thing. Phil vowed to himself to never do what they were talking about, to never ever touch himself in that way. He wasn’t going to be so disgusting.

Until, well, at some point in his very early teen years, he had a dream of something warm and soft and hazy, and it left him with an urge inside him as he woke up. Or, standing in the shower, washing himself down, he touched his penis a bit more tenderly than usual and surprised himself with the want to do it more, and the sharp intake of breath that followed. Or the late night exploration under his bed sheets, gasping quietly with a rapidly beating heart, chasing something that he didn’t know yet what it would be. The first time he reached this thing he chased, sharp pleasure spiking through him, painting his world in colourful bliss- quickly followed by the terror at the stains on his sheets and the moan that he hadn’t been able to tone down, watching the semen dry as he lay with bated breath, overwhelmed with fear at the thought of his mum walking in.

Phil’s grown into this thing now, this feeling, and while he’d never talk about it (ever, ever ever, he swears), he feels comfortable and confident when the boys still gossip at school. He does that too, but it’s a beautiful thing, nothing of that ashamed feeling that they seem to portray, no. Maybe they’re doing it wrong, but he knows how nice it feels by now. He owns this.

Which is why it takes him unexpected as the rush of something new overwhelms him again, aged 15, waking up in the dead of the night. He’s dreamed something, something beautiful, something- something with a boy. Phil stares into the dark, listening to his heartbeat. There was a boy. It wasn’t someone he knew, he doesn’t think, but he was soft and tan and had chocolaty brown eyes that glimmered brightly when he looked at Phil. He’d felt touch, he remembers, featherlight stroking down his body, naked all of a sudden. Phil clenches his hands into the bedsheets as he swallows dry. That was a boy, a beautiful one at that, and he’d kissed Phil, and Phil had felt this longing- Does he dare to? He does. Yes, he does.

Tentatively Phil creeps his hand into his pyjama bottoms, shuddering on a breath at how hot he is and how good it feels already. He closes his eyes, the dark shadows of his bedroom being replaced by colourful specks and the visual of someone warm and undeniably male. It hits him like a truck, this feeling, and he closes his hand around his penis. He starts stroking lightly, the friction of his dry hand delicious on the velvety skin. A visual of that naked boy makes him groan and move his hand a bit faster. He likes how his bottoms feel against his steadily growing length, how sexy he feels, laying here in the dark, making himself feel this good. He squeezes a little, swipes a finger over his tip and gathers pre-come, makes the slide go faster and quicker. God, he loves this. A tiny whimper escapes his throat and he presses his face into his pillow on the side as he arcs up his back.

In the dream, he’d seen long expanses of soft skin; he’d seen another penis next to his own, he’d felt fingers that nudged against where he’d been touching himself, replacing them. Phil imagines it now. Imagines the boy in bed next to him, right there for him to reach out and feel. He could press his lips to the smiling ones he’d seen. Phil’s face flushes and he presses it further into the pillow, opening his lips a little, a shallow mimicry of what his mind provides him with, but it feels oh so good. He clenches his legs together a little because he likes that sometimes, and imagines the weight of another body on top of him, and, oh, he’d feel an erection pressing to his side, wouldn’t he? Phil shuffles his body onto the edge of the duvet and imagines the folds to be something else, something warmer and firmer and alive. He’s moving his hand franticly now. That’s what the boy would do if he were here, he’d move his slender fingers- he’d have beautiful fingers, Phil knows it- expertly over his length, twisting it just the right way, and oh, Phil wouldn’t know when the touches would come, and he’d- He’d be able to touch it too, he’d make the boy feel so good. Present Phil whines low in his throat. He’s never felt so overwhelmed before. He is almost there, he can feel it- a visual flashes behind his eyes of his own penis pressed to another one, of two boyish hands stroking across them, and with that Phil’s world whites out. The pleasure rocks his body in unsteady bursts, he forgot the tissues, he’s making his bed all dirty- but it doesn’t matter, because his vision is still filled with warm brown eyes and body parts against his own, and the fact that he’s imagining all those things while touching himself here all by himself makes his mind go blank.

When Phil feels like he can move again, he slowly tilts himself back onto his back and withdraws his hand from his pyjama bottoms. He knows he has to change, has maybe even to change the sheets, but the magnitude of the situation stills him as he gazes into the dark again. He notices a smile of his face, and a warm feeling inside of his chest at this experience that’s so unlike anything he’s felt before.

Phil knows there’s words for this, words spit out like dirt by other boys and girls. It’s a bit scary if he things too closely about it But somewhere deep inside Phil knows that this, too, is something beautiful and pure.


End file.
